Soooo i feel like venting...

I'm freaking tired. Like literally drained. At work. Noisy ass kids. And I freakin signed up for next semester's classes.

Literally none of my family knows how f*ckin stressful college is. Nope. i have 0 help. My mom just constantly tells me to make sure I get done what I need to get done. My aunt, cousins, sisters, mom... they expect me to be some genius but I DESPISE COMMUNITY COLLEGE. I'm taking classes I took in high school... expect they're harder and the teachers grade a million times harder. High school didn't f*ckin prepare me for this shite. Sorry for the language but I'm tired and just ugh. Stressful ass day.

Usually nearly every day is stressed but no one really cares to ask. You'd think my mom would ask. She sees me every day. But no. Sometimes I wonder if I should type up my life story. But then I figure people will think I'm a total whiner since there's people in way worse situations. Yeah, I know that. I remind myself that every time I yell at my ceiling. But hey, everyone has their own shite to deal with and we deserve some vent time. If you're some teeny bopper that gets everything you want, lives in a nice house, gets good food and snacks and drinks, gets freedom, and you have expensive shit that your parents give you... I don't want to hear one f*ckin complaint from you. Unless you have some severe mental problem or something terrible has happened to you... shut it. Because I'm sick of hearing how someone's mom didn't get them the right flippin' iPhone. I had a tiny Nokia phone as my first phone. My sister got a nice touch screen phone and after a few months she got it taken away for good. I was so ticked.

But anywho, I'm just letting whomever reads this know that I am really tired and ticked and just stressed. I'm sure many of you can relate. I really wish I had someone to talk to. Face to face, you know? My 'friends' from high school just disappeared on me and apparently it's my fault that I don't live on Facebook. I have a phone. None of them bother to call or text. So, I figure it's best to be alone. I have two friends. Both live far from me and it sucks.

Another thing I wanna vent about is feelings. Like 'love'. I wanna know how the hell you can avoid it. Because I fell for someone, fast, and turns out Im only seen as a friend. Big shocker, right? Yeah, well I've known that I've been destined to be forever the amazing friend that will always be there for you no matter what. Unless you give me a real reason to never speak to you again. But I f*ckin fell in love with a friend and now I'm just their friend. That's it. And I can't get rid of these damn feelings. It's like if Will told Elizabeth that he desperately loved her and she said, "Oh, um that's sweet but I just think we should be friends." and then she went and flirted with Captain Jack Sparrow. Yeah. I'm Will. Can you imagine how I freakin feel?! Well, I think Adam Sandler said it best in the movie "The Wedding Singer" when he sang ~ LOVE STINKS ~. Yup. I don't want to tell anyone how I feel about them anymore. Yeah, I know. I shouldn't do that, blah blah blah, someone's gonna love you and it'll be your fault they get away and blah blah... I know this. I have accepted that. And I'm pretty okay with it. Sure, if I was someone else then yeah I would definitely be confident to fall in love. But I'm me. And me + love is never going to work. Sorry.

Well, I think that's enough for tonight. I'm gonna go home to sleep. Yipee.